Today's edition of Ask Jizz brings forth the question, what’s the craziest
thing a customer has asked for?
You might not be surprised to learn this, but of all three
stores I’ve worked at that sold adult material, each location had at least one
customer asking for something truly bizarre. Furthermore, the ones who ask for
the strange stuff always assume you have it in the back room. It’s as if most
customers assume that all adult stores have a secret stash of forbidden porn
that’s only available to those who know the secret password.
When I worked at the now defunct Shinders in my early
college career, the obsession was with porn starring pregnant women. These
fetish videos aren’t particularly hard to find, but we only carried mainstream
porn videos and never carried anything featuring pregnant women. What annoyed
me was that the several regular who asked about ‘Preggo’ videos were convinced
that while these videos weren’t on the shelves, we had them available somewhere
behind the counter. One such customer even tried to start an argument with me about
selling him these videos before leaving, furious, convinced that I was hiding
the movies he wanted.
The creepiest thing we sold at Shinders was nudist
magazines, which weren’t technically pornography, but were kept in the back, 18
and up room. While I’m sure there are some nudist enthusiasts who bought these
magazines to read up on nudist topics, the majority of people bought them
because they featured naked photos of children and adolescents. I don’t know if
these magazines are still available, but the publisher must have found a
loophole to publish photos of children under eighteen by making the magazines
intended for nudists.
We also received sample magazines from publishing distributors
trying to get Shinders to carry their magazines. Most of these were pretty run
of the mill, but sometimes we’d get very specific fetish magazines. The best
was a ‘Pony Boy/Pony Girl’ magazine for people who were into dressing up in
incredibly elaborate costumes that made the wearer look like a horse. There
wasn’t any nudity or sexual content. Just page after page of people dressed in what
looked like a cross between a shitty Halloween costume and the most elaborate
bondage costume I have ever seen. The ‘erotic’ stories in the magazine were
even more bizarre. Again, no sex, but incredibly detailed short stories about
people dressing up like horses and being literally rode around by their lover.
In Mankato, the most common request was for pissing videos.
We did carry a few of these when they happened to come in, but didn’t regularly
carry this genre. When the owners bought movies, they’d order them in boxes of
one hundred, only telling the distributor what genre of porn they wanted. Again,
several customers asked if we had any of these videos in our back room. (We
didn’t.)
The strangest thing I was asked for in Mankato was for
pictures of women being dunked underwater repeatedly. The guy’s request seemed
genuine, so I recommended he buy a computer and search the internet. This
happened in 1999, so I wasn’t sure if sites actually existed for this type of
fetish, but we certainly didn’t sell anything related to drowning women.
Nowadays, a quick Google search will provide you with hundreds of sites
dedicated to both simulated-drowning and real-downing photos. (I don’t
recommend actually searching for this unless you want to be forever terrified
of water, particularly if you have small children.)
During my time at the couples-based porn store, the
questions I got were sometimes strange, but seemed a lot more genuine,
involving what the average person with a fetish is looking for. I learned a lot
about living a bondage lifestyle from a couple who frequently came in and would
explain why certain products would or wouldn’t work. The guy was the
dominator, with his wife as the subordinate and they lived these roles all the
time. I had never considered it, but it's important to purchase high quality products when your gimp is wearing submission devises 24-hours a day.
This store wasn't open all night, so I was always amused at the
people waiting to rush in when we opened at 10 a.m. Sunday mornings. (This also happened at Shinders every weekend morning.) These limited hours also avoided a lot of
the creepy trollers who would come into the 24-hour Mankato store late at night looking
for a date.
The strangest thing I was asked about at this strip-mall
store was a belt that would hold a dildo in place up the wearer’s ass. The
customer explained that he’d seen these devices before and it allowed the
person wearing it to put underwear and pants on over it without anyone being
the wiser. Also, it was possible to lock the device on like a reverse-shit-chastity-belt.
Obvious a submission device, I can honestly say there is nothing about this
device that turns me on. The worst part was that I started to imagine that
everyone I saw, from the gas station cashier to the mailman, was wearing one of
these devices.
For all you know, I could be wearing one right now. (I’m
not.)
I’ll be writing more about the strange requests and
questions that came in while working all three locations, but these are the
ones that come up mind immediately.
Remember, you can ask me anything you like (preferable
porn-based) by shooting an email to jizz_mopperhhh at Hotmail.com or shoot me a
message on Twitter @jizzchronicles
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