You might call
it a personal flaw, but I tend to get really competitive about everything. If
there’s the potential to turn something into a contest, I’ll do it and I want
to win.
At the store, I’ve
turned catching people trying to fuck each other in the video booths into such
a contest. (For more information on video booths, see this earlier post.) After my first taste of power kicking someone out of the store, I was hooked and
developed some really bizarre instincts.
Now, I can hear
the sound of a belt buckle hitting a tile floor through all sorts of competing
noises. This sound is the biggest giveaway that someone in the video booths is
attempting to slide under a wall through a river of semen to jerk-off,
suck-off or fuck another patron. Why these guys don’t just wear sweatpants is
beyond me, but this familiar clang always sends me into motion. I grab our
trusty Mag-Lite and baseball bat, and head into the dark porn arcade, ready to
crack some skulls.
Do you know how after
a while, you start to hear your cell phone ring all the time in unrelated
sounds?
This obsession
on my part has caused me to start hearing the belt buckle clang everywhere,
from the grocery store to lying in bed. Intellectually, I know there’s no one on
all fours trying to give a stranger a handjob in my closet, but my instincts
kick in and I receive an immediate kick of adrenaline every time I imagine the
sound. At three in the morning, it’s hard to fall back asleep and I’ll admit, most
of the time I end up checking my closet just to make sure.
I've also decided I can tell who is going to mess around in the back rooms just by looking at the person. When they come up for change, I eye them carefully, deciding whether or not I'll be escorting them to the exit in the near future.
We’re supposed
to walk the video booths every once in a while, shining the flashlight along
the floor so the patrons know we’re keeping an eye on things. But now that I
want to catch people, I’ve stopped doing this and walk as quietly as possible
back and forth, hoping to catch someone with their pants down (quite
literally.)
During slow
times at the store, when no other customers are around except the booth crew, I’ll
even kneel on the edge of the doorway so they can’t see or hear my feet.
Holding my breath, I’ll wait anxiously with my thumb on the flashlight button,
hoping to flash the exact instant someone’s head appears below the booth wall.
My success percentage
has lowered greatly recently. We really don’t have that many people trying to
mess around in the video booths and I suspect the ones who do have figured out
that I’m waiting to kick them out. But every once in a while, I’m still able to catch
someone looking completely ridiculous with their pants around their ankles and
their eyes as large as saucers.
These guys are
hilarious when they get caught. The most common response is that they dropped
their dollar and were kneeling down to pick it up. Apparently their money had
caught an updraft and floated all the way into another video booth and into
another patron’s pants. It’s amazing.
Some people try
to act really tough when you catch them and refuse to leave. During one shift with Ogre, he caught someone in the act and told
the guy to leave the store. The customer just stood in his booth and said, “Just
a minute, my time’s almost up,” in a low, tough-guy voice. After a few
reminders, Ogre kicked open the door and grabbed the guy by the scruff of his
neck to help guide him to the exit. This formerly low-pitched man was now
screaming in an incredibly high-pitched voice, “Get your hands off me! Don’t
touch me! I’ll call the police.”
“You do that,”
said Ogre as he threw this foiled pervert across the hood of a random car in the parking lot and slammed
the store’s door closed.
In actuality, we
could call the cops when we catch people engaging in sexual acts in the video
booths, but the owner doesn’t want the extra attention brought to the store.
(Same principle as explained in my shoplifting post.) Anyone who puts up too
big of a fight is threatened with police intervention and this usually causes them
to leave immediately. To my knowledge, we’ve never had to call the cops because
of an amorous backroom incident, but if things every got too messy (pun
intended) we certainly could.
Video booth shenanigans
is just one of the realities of running a porn store, so during my time here, I
will remain an ever-vigilant, covert cum ninja.
No comments:
Post a Comment