Don’t forget,
you can email all your questions about porn, the adult industry or me to jizz_mopperhhh@hotmail.com. Or tweet me a message
@jizzchronicles.
Today’s question
asks, “Was the store open 365 days a year?”
Thankfully, no…
for the most part.
We closed early
on Christmas Eve and were closed on major holidays like New Years Day, Easter and
Thanksgiving. However, we were open pretty much every other day of the year.
Not surprisingly,
this “doors-always-open” attitude interfered with my participation in a lot of common drinking
holidays. I didn’t get to start swilling down Guinness until midnight on most St.
Patrick’s days and Labor Day ended up being a celebration of watching those without
families buy porn and try to fuck each other in the video booths.
And sometimes,
people seemed completely oblivious to the fact that there was a holiday going
on.
One Fourth of
July, the store was absolutely dead during my 3-11 shift. My total for the day
ended up being something like $200, when a normal daily total was around $1,000. Even the normally busy road in front of the store didn’t have
much traffic. I ended up using the day to get a lot of textbook reading done
and started hoping I’d be able to see some fireworks if I stood in the store’s
parking lot.
At dusk, I left
the long empty store to sit on my car and watch fireworks. The show began and I
saw a lone set of headlights coming towards me on Mankato’s main drag. I
thought to myself, “I really hope he doesn’t do a U-turn and drive to the
store.” I was relieved when he passed the main intersection, but then heard him
slam on the breaks at the next break in the median pull an illegal U-turn. He drove into our parking lot and I reluctantly left the fireworks to stand
behind the register.
He asked if we
had novelty playing cards and I showed him where they were, eager that he might
leave before the grand finale was over. Instead, he looked through the cards
for TWENTY GODDAMN MINUTES before finally making his $4.95 purchase. At this
point, I was so irritated that I didn’t even offer him a bag.
I’m not a
particularly big fan of fireworks, but the situation had turned into a matter
of principle. He most certainly saw me watching the display, but still decided
to come into the store and spend an extremely long time looking through our
selection of five different varieties of nudie playing cards. It’s almost like
he was intentionally trying to make me miss the fireworks.
The following
year I had the evening off, but I didn’t even bother watching the fireworks. I guess
it’s one of those things you only want to do as soon as you’re not able to.
Cinco de Mayo
was a particularly annoying shift to work through simply because people came
into the store absolutely wasted. The official store policy was to kick out
anyone who appeared under the influence, but it’s not always easy when it’s an
entire group of drunks who think everything you say is absolutely hilarious. It’s
a complete mess when your store is filled with 20 trashed customers who won’t
end up buying anything, but take their time to examine and laugh at every product in the store.
Thankfully, no one ever got sick during these drunken
holidays, but I always expected it.
These are the joys
of working retail.
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