According to the
other clerks who have worked at the store longer than me, a number of churches
used to protest the store on a regular basis. I was somewhat disappointed that
this trend stopped around the same time I started working at the store. The darker
side of my imagination created elaborate scenarios where I would out-debate and
publically shame these local theologians for their narrow-mindedness.
When a church
finally visited, the reality wasn’t nearly as exciting or rewarding.
A local Baptist church
finally decided to drive through the parking lot in their van filled with parishioners
and a megaphone when I was least expecting it. I was training a new employee at
the time and she had just walked outside to spot-clean the parking lot and get
some fresh air. The group in the van immediately pounced on her, but she
handled the situation beautifully. When faced with angry, accusing comments,
she simply said, “It’s a good paying job that allows me to feed and take care
of my son. At least I’m not stripping down the street.”
The only thing
they could think to say as a reply was, “This isn’t a good industry to work in.
Especially for a young mother.”
I heard mumbles
of this exchange through the walls of the store, but being the only clerk
inside with customers, I couldn’t go outside to investigate. When she came in
and told me what happened, I immediately ran outside the front door to see
everything for myself.
Unfortunately,
by this time, the van was slowly making its way out of the parking lot and all
I could think to do was flick them off. A loud voice boomed at me, “And that’s
all you’ll ever amount to unless you accept the lord Jesus Christ into your life.” Then they drove off onto the
cross street.
I felt like a
complete jack-ass for having nothing more than “fuck-off” as a response to
their preaching. Certainly, I should have been able to come up with a better
way to counter their opinion. But the moment was gone. I went back
inside the store and created little signs with bible verses like, “Judge not,
lest ye be judged,” but the van never came back. I forever lost my opportunity
to engage the blowhard elitists with anything more than a vulgar display.
*Author’s Note:
Years later,
when I was living in Arizona, there was a local church group intent on shutting
down a porn store located a few hundred feet from their place of worship. I
felt this situation was unfair, mainly because this church was recently
constructed and the parishioners knew this adult bookstore was located this
close well before they even purchased the land to build on. Now that the church
was built and open, they wanted the existing offensive store to close (or at
the very least, move.)
The church went
so far as to take photos of cars parked in the store’s lot and of people
driving out of the parking lot. They threatened to post these images on the
internet so a group of friends and myself took action. In protest of these
unfair actions, we made it a point to drive to the store repeatedly, always
waving to the photographers as they captured us leaving the parking lot.
The church never
ended up posting these images of the store’s patrons (at least where I could
find them) and eventually the buzz around the store disappeared. The church was
able to get the owner of the land across the street from the porn store to
erect (pun intended) a sign that was visible as you drove out of the parking
lot. It explained, in great detail, why you were going to hell for buying
anything from that terrible, terrible store. But that was about the end of the controversy.
Considering this
happened in Arizona, I think the church was lucky none of their photographers
ended up shot for taking photos of strangers.
I guess it was a
porno miracle!
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