Exposing yourself at the porn store…

When I first began college, I was a theater major for my first semester. Eventually, I decided that I didn’t want to spend four years training for something that I could audition for without a degree and switched over to mass communications. But this first semester introduced me to a lot of different people, different lifestyles and taught me a lot about the world of theater.

Yesterday, a former theater classmate came into the store and bought some gay videos. He acted like he didn’t know me, which kind of bothered me since we had performed a scene together for our Friday morning acting class. (It was a theatrical reworking of the scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent accidentally blows Marvin’s head off in their car. And it was awesome!) After he left, and I thought more about the situation and suddenly realized how uncomfortable it must have been for him.

Buying anything at the porn store completely exposes a large portion of yourself that most people would rather stay hidden. Now, I’ve written a lot about messing with people who were uncomfortable in the store, but this is only because they’re acting uncomfortable about something I feel they should be relaxed with.

When a customer buys something like gay pornography, they’re essentially coming out to a stranger. Who knows if they’re still in the closet or if they’re terrified of recognizing the person behind the counter. Mankato is a small town and even in the college community, word travels fast.

This gave me a new appreciation for people who buy certain items at the store. I’ve always shown customers buying gay porn the utmost respect. I figure they put up with enough shit in their lives without me being a smart ass. This respect has been expanded to people who buy bondage gear and lingerie. The purchase could be for a side of their personality that only a select few (or no one) know about.

The same church that drove through our parking lot while preaching threw a megaphone has also been spotted camping out in the parking lot across the street with binoculars, checking out who was coming into the store and writing down license plate numbers. I’d never be involved with a church that performed such a blatant invasion of privacy, but this act is despicable no matter how you look at it. Don’t they have anything better to do with their time than obsessing over what helps people achieve an orgasm?

I know Jesus doesn’t mention homosexuality, bondage, cross-dressing or huffing video head cleaner in the gospels, but I like to believe he’d be cool with it as long as it was consensual. I also like to imagine St. Peter at the gates of heaven stopping the people from Westboro Baptist Church (the God Hates Fags people) and saying, “Haven’t you guys read the new testament?” Before pulling the switch that sends them down to an eternity more fitting of their behavior.

My hat is off to all of you who buy anything from porn stores that you want to keep private. Yes, the internet has made ordering a lot of these items anonymously a lot easier, but I would make sure you give your postal carrier a decent tip over the holidays.