I’ve been working overnights a few weeks now and I want to attempt to capture what it’s like to clean the video booths in the dark, dank back of the store. I’ll admit that being a Jizzmopper is pretty gross, but I also mean it when I tell people it’s nowhere near as bad as it sounds. I’ve worked a lot of menial jobs in my time and I’ve dealt with a lot worse (i.e. shit and vomit) cleaning a Wendy’s bathroom than I’ve had to clean up in the jerk-off booths.
Preparation is the key. The first thing I do at the clock nears 3 a.m. is put on the thick rubber gloves that almost reach my armpits. I do this before I pull out the mop bucket, get the ammonia ready or touch ANYTHING that involves cleaning at the store. HIV may not be able to survive outside of the body, but my internet search concerning blood borne pathogens that can survive on a smooth, dry surface was all the encouragement I needed to be careful.
Once I’ve put on my Jizz-Mat suite (a little porn store humor for you), it’s just simply a matter of filling up the mop bucket with water and ammonia, then grabbing the ammonia spray bottle and scrub brush.
Some nights, usually weeknights, there’s hardly anything to clean up. Other nights, usually during the weekend, I amazed at the locations customers are able to spray their semen. Sure, anyone can wipe their cum as high as they can reach, but I’ve seen legitimate cum shots that were so high on the wall I needed to grab our store step ladder to reach them. This got me thinking that perhaps these video booths are a necessary customer service. If men come in so clogged up that when they finally ejaculate is shoots nine feet into the air, the world really, really needs a place like this. These poor guys are probably lucky their prostates didn’t explode while they drove over a speed bump.
Perhaps cum shot distance is some sort of desired honor in the dark, underworld of sex that people practice and strive for. If this is the case, I don’t want to know.
Cleaning semen off a black wall is a little more complicated than just wiping it down with ammonia. The first step is spraying as much of the bottle you can onto the sullied wall without getting light-headed off the fumes. Next, it’s important to utilize the scrub brush effectively to make sure that all of the solidified ejaculate has been torn from the wall as the longer it sits, the more securely it attaches itself. The last, and probably most important, step is to return to the walls you’ve cleaned, apply more ammonia and then wipe the area clean with a paper towel. If you don’t do this, the scrubbed area leaves a clearly visible white “cum ring” that is really difficult to clean off after it sits for more than a day. As funny as it sounds, no employee wants to get yelled at by the owner because the video booths are filthy. (He’s 75, looks 55, has a beard down to his waist and carries a concealed handgun.)
Mopping the floors is exactly the same as mopping any other floor, other than the fact that you know exactly what’s causing the discoloration of the white tile. I’ve found myself taking special care not to let the mop or water drip onto my shoes or clothes, but despite all of my efforts, I haven’t been able to see any swarms of sperm swimming laps in the mop bucket.
So far, the worst thing I’ve seen in the video booths has been cum shots directly onto the video screen, which seems to be a goal for many customers (the TV itself is locked into a protected case with a clear plastic piece over the screen.) One night, a hetero couple went into the booth together later in the evening (this is actually allowed, but more on booth activity later) and when I went in to clean the booth after they left, I found the letters “L U V” written in semen on the wall. It didn’t irritate me because the incident didn’t require any more cleaning than a normal shot on the wall, but it did make me wonder what kind of woman would find that stimulating, let alone want to touch the walls of the video booth.
So that’s the dirty truth that most people are probably wondering about. To be honest, it’s really not that bad. I used to work at a Super America and cleaning their bathrooms was a million times worse than wiping cum off walls. And after hearing horror stories from friends who work in food service or custodial services for the university, anything I’ve seen pales in comparison. Cleaning the booths is better mainly because it doesn’t smell (usually), it’s something I’ve had to do in my own life (see: adolescence) and most importantly, it’s not shit!
Yes, I’m a Jizzmopper like they talked about in Clerks. But I’m also a well-paid retail clerk that doesn’t have to deal with irate customers (they’re kicked out), returns (they’re also refused and asked to leave) or selling food (to be fair, we do sell some candy, but I don’t have to clean a grill!) Of all the non-skilled jobs I’ve had so far in my young life, this is the best.
If you think it’s gross, go work at the bank.
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